It has been a week.
PB has been cutting more teeth which means he feels bad, doesn’t sleep well, and is generally more fussy.
Ben has a man cold. Not just a regular cold, but a man cold. Has your husband or significant other ever dealt with a man cold? In case you’re not familiar with it, a man cold is about 157x worse than a woman cold or a child cold or any cold for that matter. It’s a debilitating illness, really. The slightest sneeze, cough, or body ache will send the man to the couch for an untold number of days. He will complain more than anybody you’ve ever heard, and he will require more attention than a newborn baby. So, yea, Ben’s got one of those.
And, on top of that, my pets’ heads are falling off! (Not really, but name that movie!)
I feel stretched very thin, to say the least.
I struggle during weeks like these. Growing up, I always wanted to be a career woman. I knew I wanted to have kids, but I never even thought about the implications of having a career and having kids. I would simply send my kids to daycare and wouldn’t think twice about it. Or so I thought.
And then I actually had a baby. And now, I do think twice about it. I think about it every day. I wonder what he’s doing at daycare. Is he having fun? Does he wonder where I am? Does he miss me? And then I think about all that I’m missing out on while he’s there. I’ll run an errand during lunch and I’ll see a young mom out and about with her young babies, and I want to cry. I feel like I’m robbing my son of precious time with me. That mom is spending time with her babies, and I’m spending time at work. It breaks my heart.
I never, in a million years, would have imagined just how much I am struggling with sending my baby to daycare. And its weeks like these that make my struggle even harder. I come home and get to spend about 4 hours with him in the evenings. I walk through the door, and I’m off. I rush around trying to make sure I play with him as much as I can, while trying to put food on the table, and get us all ready for bed (and take care of the puny) only to wake up and do it all over again. I find myself yearning for the weekends so I can have time with my family.
This has been one of the hardest, biggest adjustments for me as a new mom. I spent so much time and effort to get my career. I do enjoy working and helping provide for my family. But, I miss my son. I miss the time that I’m missing out on. Don’t get me wrong, we have him in a terrific daycare. I am so very pleased with them and I know, as he’s a little older and can actually play with other kids, it will be wonderful for him. I’m just sad to leave him there now. For pete’s sake, WHERE IS THE BALANCE, MAN?
I know that, if this is the only thing I’ve got to complain about, then I am blessed beyond belief. I really do realize that. The fact that I’m complaining about finding a balance between work and family means that I’m blessed to have both. But I guess I’m just struggling with trying to find that balance. I thought for sure I would have found it by now. And I thought for sure that it would get easier every day. And some days, it is easy. But other days, when I break down in Target after seeing a mom and her baby boy together while I’m on a lunch break, and I want to lay down in the aisle and throw a kicking, screaming fit, it’s hard. I’m mature like that. How do you working moms do it? How do you stay-at-home-moms do it? Can’t we all just go back to Mayberry for crying out loud!?!?!
So today is Thursday, and I am thankful. I’m thankful for an incredible job. And I’m even more thankful for a super duper awesomely incredible family. And, I’m praying to find a balance for both.
No matter what, though, I rest in the fact that God does always provide.
|working hard to fix the weedeater. i love that kiddo.|
What a beautiful fall day today! It’s a great day to be alive 🙂
Have a blessed Thursday!