A couple of days ago, Ben and I had a spontaneous date night (thanks, mom!). It was technically our Valentine’s date after our ‘Valentine’s Day to remember
‘, aka, the Valentine’s Day from you know where.
Anyway, I was pumped. It’s funny, but I jump at an opportunity to get ‘dressed up’ now. And by dressed up, I mean anything other than my sweats. I’m still a hermit, and would prefer to spend 98% of my time in or around my house, but sometimes, a girl just wants to have someone else cook for her. So I took my time getting ready. I even put on eyeliner.
And then it came time to pick out something to wear.
Let me stop here and say for the 993871 time, I’m so not fashionable. I wish I were. I wish I could put outfits together like the ones I see on Pinterest. I wish I could spot stylish outfits at the stores. But it’s just not in me.
A while back, I noticed girls wearing those skinny belts. I don’t know, are those even popular anymore? I went out and bought a couple of them, still not really sure how to wear them. I played around with them, and wore them a couple of different ways, most likely looking like an idiot who forgot where her belt was supposed to go.
So as I was picking out my Saturday night date-night outfit, my skinny belt caught my eye. That’s stylish, right?! I picked out a plainish shirt, greased into my skinny jeans, and put my little skinny belt on a little below my bra line. Is that where you’re supposed to wear it? Help??
We went to eat first. We ordered appetizers. Big mistake. Then, I ordered some chicken and some vegetables, and proceeded to drink 4 glasses of lemonade. Yes, 4. Halfway through dinner, I noticed that my skinny belt was restricting my ribcage and I was having trouble breathing. I loosened it a notch, but refused to take it off. I wanted to be stylish, dangit!
After dinner, we headed to the movies. I was so stuffed. I felt so full. Literally, I was having trouble breathing. That dang skinny belt was totally causing me to have breathing problems. I couldn’t get a deep breath. It was like someone had put a lock on my diaphragm. But we were at the movies, and every time I go to the movies, I must have a Sprite and a popcorn. It’s part of my religion. I can’t resist. At this point, I wasn’t the least bit hungry, in fact, the thought of food was kind of repulsive. But it’s like an unspoken rule, when you go to the movies, you’ve got to have popcorn. Ahhh…..
We saw ‘Safehouse’. It was really good! Together, Ben and I finished our popcorn, and drank most of the Sprite. By this point I was miserable. Literally, I was almost sweating from the lack of oxygen I was getting. The dang skinny belt was so tight on me at this point that I was taking shallow breaths to keep from blowing it loose. Still, I refused to give in. I was going to wear the skinny belt with the skinny jeans and feel skinny, man!
We walked around the mall for a few minutes after the movie was over to do some people-watching. Nothing like going to a mall on a Saturday night to make you never, ever, ever miss your teenage years. Plus, I was hoping the walking might relieve some of the serious pressure on my ribs.
As we rounded the corner near the mall entrance, where approximately 238817 teenagers and young adults were standing within mere inches of us, I couldn’t take it any more. My lips were probably turning blue from lack of oxygen. I took a deep breath.
All of the sudden, I felt the most glorious feeling I have felt in a long time. Freedom! I felt like an uncaged bird, free to fly into the wide heavens.
Right there in the middle of all of those teenagers, half of whom were wearing skinny belts themselves, the dang skinny belt had busted with that last breath of air. I could breathe again. My lungs sang with happiness. My lips starting turning pink again. It was a miracle.
Needless to say, the old gray mare just ain’t what she used to be. Skinny belts are for the skinny. This, I am not right now. It’s the middle of Girl Scout Cookie season for crying out loud. I’m going to keep the remains of the dang skinny belt as motivation for working out this spring.
So are skinny belts still ‘in’? Have you ever popped a belt?! Come on, make me feel better about myself!
Have a blessed Monday!