oh body, where art thou?

I went to Target Saturday afternoon. The boys were gone to a football practice and I needed to get some makeup.

I promise I went for makeup. Well, that and the dollar aisle. I can always find PB some little treats there. 
Anyway, someway, somehow, I ended up in the dressing room. With bathing suits. And….hold your breath….a bikini. I can tell you this about the experience. I really don’t cuss. Sometimes I’ll let a little word fly here or there, but for the most part, I try to keep a clean mouth. I don’t know how many dirty words slipped out of that Target dressing room on Saturday afternoon. I didn’t want to count. I was too ashamed.
I don’t know why I tortured myself trying on bathing suits. I’m not happy with my body right now. In fact, I’ve not been happy with it since I gave birth. I gained about 40 pounds while I was pregnant. I ate pretty good and exercised every day until I got high blood pressure. I was never put on a doctor-ordered bed rest, but I was told to stay off of my feet as much as possible that last month (I gained 10 pounds then). 
Initially, the baby weight came off pretty good. I was pleased. I lost about 33 pounds in 2 1/2 months. The last 7 pounds took a little longer, but by about 4 or 5 months, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. And in about 7 months, I was 3 pounds lighter than I’d been before I got pregnant. I didn’t really ‘diet’ nor did I have a ‘workout routine’. Honestly, I chalk all of the weight loss up to no appetite and little time. I was home with PB for about 4 months. It took me forever to get into a good routine with him, and most days, by the time I had my head above water, I realized I forgot to eat a meal. Or sometimes, my poor time management and lack of planning forced me to choose between a shower and lunch. And for the sake of my marriage, I’d chose a shower 😉 
Now, a year and a half later, my weight is about the same -BUT- my body has changed completely. And I’m here today to say this: after you have a baby, your body will NEVER ever ever ever ever ever ever be the same. For some people, their bodies may be better than they were before, and for some people they may be worse, but either way, they’ll NEVER be the same.
And that’s what I’m struggling with right now. I’ve always maintained weight pretty easily, praise the Lord. For literally 10 years or so, I weighed around the same thing. After I got married, I gained a pound or two, but nothing major. So, my weight is the same as it was before I got pregnant, but somehow, none of my clothes fit. I curse low rise jeans now. My ‘rolls’ hang over the low rise jeans. So I opt for the stylish high-waist pants now, so that I can ‘tuck’ my ‘rolls’ into my jeans. 
Everything has shifted. My hips are bigger. My thighs are bigger. And my stomach is sagging. I know I could probably help myself if I worked out more, but I just haven’t made it a priority. Seriously, moms who work out religiously, how do you do it? By the time I get home from work and fix a little dinner, all I want to do is spend a few minutes playing with my boy before we start the bedtime routine. 
The Target dressing room was a knife to my heart. I tried on those bathing suits, and, as my brother says, I  looked like a busted can of biscuits. Everything looked so out of place. Even when I sucked in I still looked like I was 3 months pregnant. See, this is a joy about pregnancy that they forgot to tell me about. I had heard about the stretch marks, I’d even heard about the baby weight, but this whole total body shift was news to me.
 How could I weight practically the same thing before I was pregnant, and yet none of my clothes fit anymore? 
Ahhh. One of the great mysteries of life………
Any other moms out there dealing with the ‘total body change’ after baby? Found any good ways to tone it up and move it back in to place? I need help. The Target dressing room is totally trying to kill any plans I had for the pool this summer.
Have a blessed Monday 🙂  
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life lately.

I’ve been pinning workouts on Pinterest lately. 
I have good intentions. 
I do. Really.
But this:
image via.
This is my life. 

Please bear with me, friends! 

I’m in the home stretch of my student teaching and I’m planning, writing, and researching for my final projects like a mad woman. I promise I’ll be back soon and post when I can 🙂
Have a blessed Tuesday 🙂

springness.

Whew!

Time is just flying.

It always seems like spring is a busy time, but I feel like I’ve kicked in 5th gear now. I’ve got just a few weeks left of student teaching, so all of my assignments are coming due soon. Plus, I’ve started the mad dash for job applications and, hopefully, interviews. I’m pretty much asking for your sympathy and understanding for my lack of posts, by the way 😉

These past couple of weeks have been a blur, and the next couple of weeks will no doubt be the same way. But in the midst of all of it, I’m making sure to stop and enjoy everything that matters most, like this……

and some of this…..

and lots of this……

with tons of this…..

and a little bit of this sprinkled in….

Did you have a good Easter weekend? We did. Lots of time with family and lots of eating. That’s always a win, win. And then we had an incredible Sunday morning service delivered by Ben. I look around at all that God has blessed me with and my heart is thankful. And then I imagine Him sending His only Son to die for me, so that I can have eternal life, and my heart is overwhelmed. He loves us that much.

Have a blessed Tuesday 🙂

focusing on what you’ve been given.

Ever so often, I have to get myself back in ‘check’ of my priorities and goals. I get easily side-tracked. My eyes start wandering and I start coveting what others have. I compare myself to others and instead of counting my blessings, I look around to see what I’m missing. And then I become unappreciative of my blessings and all that God has given me. It’s a dangerous road.

Lately, I’ve been getting an itch. My sweet little old house isn’t so sweet to me right now. It suddenly looks small. It’s less than 1000 square feet, so it’s obviously small, but lately, it’s looking really tiny. PB’s toys keep getting bigger and bigger, and the house feels like it is shrinking. And I’m getting irritated with the heating/cooling situation. We have no central air. We use gas logs in the winter/fall and use window A/C units in the spring/summer. I find myself either sweating like a hog or freezing to death. And the kitchen is old. And the bathroom is tiny. And, and, and…………..

I’ve been daydreaming of building a house. Ben and I have been driving all over family land, trying to find the perfect spot to build our house. We think we’ve found a nice spot. We drive out there several times a week and dream. We talk about what it will look like. We talk about the yard, and how we can fit a regulation size football field beside the house. We let PB run around the tall, unkept grass, and we picture watching him play in the yard from our imaginary wrap-around porch.

 And then we get back on the 4-wheeler, and drive back to the little old house. We jump right in to our evening routine. I cook supper in that old kitchen, the one where my sweet granny cooked for years. And then we might eat dinner on the porch, the same porch where neighbors and family have sat and ‘visited’ for years. And then we’ll get PB ready in our tiny bathtub, the same one where we gave him his first ‘real’ bath. And when it’s all said and done, Ben and I will lay our heads in the same spot we did when we were first married.

We have an old, old farmhouse on one of our farms. The house was gutted down to the bare wood. My parents talked about fixing it up one day, but it was really just too far gone structurally to be able to fix it. You can tell the house was well taken care of in its day. The trim and small details in the house tell me someone really took pride in that place. I don’t know who lived there, or who built it. My dad bought the farm several years ago, when the house was all worn down and had been vacant for years. As we were stripping the house, we found that the owners had lined the walls with old newspapers as an added insulation. Some of the newpapers were as old as 1923. When I was younger and we were working on the old house, I would try to imagine the family that lived in the old house. What were they like? What happened to them? Did they live here all of their lives?

Today, we burned that old house down. The wood was rotting and it was beyond repair. I couldn’t help but feel a little sentimental. I have no connections to the house. It’s not a family house that’s been passed down through the years. I don’t even know who lived there. But that was somebody’s house. That house was once filled with the sound of little feet running on the hardwood. And a husband and wife might have started off in that house as newlyweds. And they might have cooked a blue million meals in their tiny kitchen, too.

But now all that’s left is ashes. Old, smoky black ashes where a little old house once stood.

I thought about this today as I was complaining about my own little old house. No matter where we move or where we build, this will always be our first home. It’s where we learned to live together as newlyweds. It’s where I cooked burnt dinners. It’s where we brought our baby boy home. It’s where we first lived together as a family. And no dream house can ever hold the memories that this little old house does.

I’m always looking for the ‘next’ thing. When we were engaged, I couldn’t wait to be married. When we were married, I couldn’t wait to start a family. And now, we’ve got a sweet little old house, but I’m waiting and wishing for a new house.

I’m finding that while I’m waiting and wishing for these things, life is passing me by. The last thing I remember, I was dreaming of a shiny diamond on my finger. Now, I’m a momma and wife of almost 3 years to that handsome boy who gave me that ring.

I can choose to be happy and content with the blessings God has given me. Or, I can choose to ignore all that I have, and focus on the things that I don’t have. I can wait and wish until life completely passes me by. Each day and every moment now is so sweet and so precious. I have a toddler, and though life can be very hectic right now, it is so much fun. Every second I spend coveting what I don’t have is a second that I’ve turned my nose up to the blessed life God has given me.

Do you find yourself ‘waiting for the next big thing’? Have you regretted coveting others’ things because it makes you lose focus on the blessings that you have?

Have a blessed Monday 🙂