oh body, where art thou?

I went to Target Saturday afternoon. The boys were gone to a football practice and I needed to get some makeup.

I promise I went for makeup. Well, that and the dollar aisle. I can always find PB some little treats there. 

Anyway, someway, somehow, I ended up in the dressing room. With bathing suits. And….hold your breath….a bikini. I can tell you this about the experience. I really don’t cuss. Sometimes I’ll let a little word fly here or there, but for the most part, I try to keep a clean mouth. I don’t know how many dirty words slipped out of that Target dressing room on Saturday afternoon. I didn’t want to count. I was too ashamed.

I don’t know why I tortured myself trying on bathing suits. I’m not happy with my body right now. In fact, I’ve not been happy with it since I gave birth. I gained about 40 pounds while I was pregnant. I ate pretty good and exercised every day until I got high blood pressure. I was never put on a doctor-ordered bed rest, but I was told to stay off of my feet as much as possible that last month (I gained 10 pounds then). 

Initially, the baby weight came off pretty good. I was pleased. I lost about 33 pounds in 2 1/2 months. The last 7 pounds took a little longer, but by about 4 or 5 months, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. And in about 7 months, I was 3 pounds lighter than I’d been before I got pregnant. I didn’t really ‘diet’ nor did I have a ‘workout routine’. Honestly, I chalk all of the weight loss up to no appetite and little time. I was home with PB for about 4 months. It took me forever to get into a good routine with him, and most days, by the time I had my head above water, I realized I forgot to eat a meal. Or sometimes, my poor time management and lack of planning forced me to choose between a shower and lunch. And for the sake of my marriage, I’d chose a shower 😉 

Now, a year and a half later, my weight is about the same -BUT- my body has changed completely. And I’m here today to say this: after you have a baby, your body will NEVER ever ever ever ever ever ever be the same. For some people, their bodies may be better than they were before, and for some people they may be worse, but either way, they’ll NEVER be the same.

And that’s what I’m struggling with right now. I’ve always maintained weight pretty easily, praise the Lord. For literally 10 years or so, I weighed around the same thing. After I got married, I gained a pound or two, but nothing major. So, my weight is the same as it was before I got pregnant, but somehow, none of my clothes fit. I curse low rise jeans now. My ‘rolls’ hang over the low rise jeans. So I opt for the stylish high-waist pants now, so that I can ‘tuck’ my ‘rolls’ into my jeans. 

Everything has shifted. My hips are bigger. My thighs are bigger. And my stomach is sagging. I know I could probably help myself if I worked out more, but I just haven’t made it a priority. Seriously, moms who work out religiously, how do you do it? By the time I get home from work and fix a little dinner, all I want to do is spend a few minutes playing with my boy before we start the bedtime routine. 

The Target dressing room was a knife to my heart. I tried on those bathing suits, and, as my brother says, I  looked like a busted can of biscuits. Everything looked so out of place. Even when I sucked in I still looked like I was 3 months pregnant. See, this is a joy about pregnancy that they forgot to tell me about. I had heard about the stretch marks, I’d even heard about the baby weight, but this whole total body shift was news to me.

 How could I weight practically the same thing before I was pregnant, and yet none of my clothes fit anymore? 

Ahhh. One of the great mysteries of life………

Any other moms out there dealing with the ‘total body change’ after baby? Found any good ways to tone it up and move it back in to place? I need help. The Target dressing room is totally trying to kill any plans I had for the pool this summer.

Have a blessed Monday 🙂