If you decided to visit my blog after last week’s lingerie post, you are a good soul. I’m in a fall/Halloween mood, and I’ve got another gem for you. If this doesn’t scare you away, then we are best virtual friends and I know you’re here to stay. I decided, after reading the lingerie post, that you probably wouldn’t understand the significance of lingerie story unless you understood me and the fact that I’m a class A nerd.
A nerd. A big ole’ NERD.
When I was in college, I was nerd. My friends (nerds, too:) and I did nerdy things, like hang out in the vacant dorm and watch movies while the rest of the kids were at a party. Or throw objects out the dorm windows at people who were getting home too late. We even did homework. Wild, I know.
Anyway, I met Ben and started ‘hanging out’ with him my 2nd year of college. At the time, he lived in a house with about 4 or 5 guys. That house had a bit of a reputation as a party house. It seemed there was some sort of party going on over there at least every couple of weekends. Initially, Ben and I didn’t go to any parties. I refused. I blame it on Dateline. Friday night Dateline. If you haven’t watched it, please do. You won’t sleep in hotel beds or go to college parties after you do.
The house was hosting a Halloween party and Ben wanted us to go. A college Halloween party. What does one wear to a college Halloween party? In 4th grade, I was a bag of jellybeans. I wore pink tights and a plastic trashbag and my mom stuffed it with balloons. Would this be appropriate?
After a couple of weeks of him begging, I decided to throw caution to the wind, and go to the college Halloween party. I did some Facebook research and noted that a jellybean costume would probably not be a good bet. So Ben and I decided to go as Dog and Beth, from Dog, the Bounty Hunter. Nerds, I know:
|Please note, those are NOT, I repeat NOT, my real ‘girls’. I can dream though, right?
The day of the party came and I was nervous. Before I went to college, my mom told me, “Don’t be anywhere you wouldn’t want Jesus to come back and find you”. What if He came back when I was at this college party, dressed like Beth from the Bounty Hunter, with balloon boobs? All kinds of thoughts ran through my head. What do you do at a party like this? Do they have food (my first question, always)? Do they have Scrabble? Will there be a bathroom? Is there music? Do they play the electric slide? The macarena? Do they have a costume contest? What happens if the police come? Who would post my bail? I will assure you that at this particular house, the macarena was not played, nor did they play Scrabble.
I decided to try and play it cool, like I was a natural college Halloween party girl. When we arrived, we hung out in the parking lot for a little while. Hey, this wasn’t so bad. I was talking to a few of Ben’s friends, and they were complimenting us on our costume. I was feeling pretty cool at that point. We decided to make our way inside the house. Big mistake.
I was behind Ben walking in the door, and when we got inside, he got pulled away from me for a few minutes. I was by myself. It was dark and they had those black lights that make everything glow in the dark. Instead of looking like a total nerd and standing in a corner by myself, I decided to be cool and talk to some people at the party. I must have spoken to at least 15-20 people. I still had my sunglasses on. I was feeling totally hip.
I finally spotted Ben. I ran up to him and started jabbering about something and about 20 seconds into the conversation, Ben says, “Oh my gosh Britt, your teeth are glowing!”
What? What in the world was he talking about? My teeth glowing? What the……..O.M.G.
MY TEETH! THEY WERE GLOWING!
I have two veneers on my lateral incisors (the two teeth beside your two big front teeth). I have what they call peg teeth, which means that my two teeth grew, but they never finished growing. So they were smaller than the rest of my teeth. Now I’m telling secrets on myself. This can’t be good.
“Oh my gosh Ben, are you serious? Please tell me you are joking. PLEASE, if you have an ounce of decency about yourself, tell me you are joking. I just talked to half of the people here, and you’re telling me that my teeth are glowing?”
I ran to the bathroom, making sure to keep my lips sealed tight. I turned off the bathroom light, and opened the door. Sure enough, my two veneers were shining brighter than the sun. WHAT THE FRIGGIN’ HECK!? Why didn’t my dentist tell me that my teeth would glow in the dark at college Halloween parties? Why didn’t anybody tell me? I seriously talked to half of the people in that house, and nobody told me. What were they thinking of me? And Ben! He didn’t even know I had veneers. We hadn’t been together that long. I couldn’t face him again. Could I climb out the bathroom window and not be noticed? How would I get home? Call my parents and have them come pick me up, balloon boobs and all?
Do you ever have those times in your life when you want to crawl in a hole and hide? This one of those times.
After spending about 10 minutes in the bathroom, contemplating every possible escape from climbing out the window to digging a hole near the drain pipes, I walked out. Ben was waiting on me. Covering my mouth, I told him I was sorry for taking so long in the bathroom. I said that I was completely embarrassed and wanted to go home. He said that was fine.
We got in the car and he told me that he had braces when he was growing up. And that he thought my teeth were still pretty and ‘clean’. He said the night was still young, and I should take my balloon boobs out and we should go trick-or-treating. He didn’t know it then, but he had just solidified himself as the one.
Moral of the story: If you have veneers and you are a backwards nerd, don’t go to a college Halloween party where they have black lights. And for pete’s sake, don’t go somewhere you wouldn’t want Jesus to come back and find you!
Have a blessed Monday 🙂
P.S. Thoughts and prayers to those affected by Irene. Ben’s family came and stayed with us this weekend as evacuees. Hopeful that you all are safe and can rebuild quickly 🙂